Lovers. &. Friends.

We all know that mixing friendship and sex and love and all of that can be a recipe for toxicity. Right now, I am feeling that I am delving into matters and situations with someone close to me that is causing me to break that forbidden and sometimes, unspoken rule. 

Question:

Can men and women be friends. Platonic. No sex?

Answer:

Yes. I have several male friends with whom I am strictly friends with and we haven't gone into that forbidden territory. Of course, some will say that men and women can be friends but there is always that "want" for one or the other or both to eventually have sex. There is always that attraction. And I do agree with that to a certain extent. But I do have friends who are male that I do not feel attracted to whatsoever and they aren't attracted to me (or so they say). So let's say the jury is still out on that one.

But let's get back to the topic at hand. I have a friend who is male and the two of us have been friends for a few years. Now this is a little different because I do believe we have been attracted to each other even before I divorced (more on my divorce later). Anyway, he and I have been kicking it ALOT I would say over the past several months and it we kissed for the first time in over two years last month. It could have went farther but I think we both knew that if it did, we would be at the point of no return and neither one of us are prepared for that.

Shit. He is so cool. And we have a lot in common. We both adore music and the way to my heart, or at least the map, always involves music. And with the new year upon us, I don't want to count him out because we are such good friends. But I also don't want to ruin the wonderful friendship we have built. He is very important to me and I don't think trying to make something between us would be worth potentially damaging our friendship.

This sucks.

Tonight we spoke for a half hour or so and neither of us were confident or comfortable enough with bringing up our pending "relationship"exploring it further. But I must admit, the thought of possibly being his woman, walking beside him, holding his hand, having his back, cooking his dinner and rubbing him down at night is quite appealing. I think about it often. Although, hell, neither one of us are ready for that. He just got out of  relationship a few months prior and I just divorced last October. So we are still healing from the past.

I don't wanna hold onto falsehoods. But I don't want to let go either.

I get wet when I see him. When we kissed and our bodies connected and he held me in his arms, I was ready to burst. When I am around him, I feel tingly and warm and fuzzy all at the same time. I can't front.

What's a girl to do?