I met my ex husband in 1998. Online. We were both in a Yahoo chat room (remember those?) and he mentioned that he was from St. Louis. I was living in Florida and I sent a private message letting him know that I was from St. Louis originally. We exchanged emails, struck up a friendship and which grew over time.
Fast forward to the year 2000. I had been struggling in Florida and thinking about just giving up and moving somewhere else. I had already tried to move to Atlanta and failed before I was even unable to move. I knew I had to do something because Florida was becoming a place that I hated to live. It was during this time that my ex husband was breaking up with his woman. Our emails became more frequent and I told him of my troubles and he invited me to come to St. Louis to visit him. Purchased a ticket for me and had it waiting at the ticket counter.
I thought why not? Most of my family lived in St. Louis so I would have a place to stay. He sent me a ticket and I came to visit on August 12, 2000. I stayed.
Fast forward. We got serious rather quickly. Fell in love. He was brilliant, funny, warm, open, honest, and handsome. He was the prototype and we had so much in common. We were both only children. Our families got along. He was my best friend. A match made in heaven.
We got married.
We had a daughter.
He became another father to my son.
But marrying your best friend is hard. People think this would be the ideal marriage but it wasn't. We were always looking for something. Everything was too familiar. Too perfect. Too cookie cutter. Just going through life daily and not experiencing excitement began to take a toll on our marriage.
Then he cheated.
Then I did.
Then it was just the two of us trying to hurt one another over and over again. We tried to work it out but we couldn't overcome the past. There was too much damage done. I couldn't forget his discretion and he couldn't forget mine.
We separated in January if last year and the divorce was final in October.
There are times that I feel I will ever get married again but I know that probably isn't the case. I do know that when and if I get married again, it won't be to my best friend. I know this sounds ridiculous but when you are too much like someone else, and you have that best friend thing that turns into a marriage, it oftentimes comes to bite you in the ass. I am thankful to my ex-husband. He is a great father to the both of my children. He takes care of business. And we still remain close.
Our marriage was not a mistake.
We just weren't ready. I know that now.
Add: dannigyrl_is_fab@yahoo.com
4 comments:
I grew up in a divorced home..parents divorced when I was 2so that "relationship life" was the only I ever knew...and I'm an only child (from them)..so I've seen it first hand..lived it in a sense..and then lived through at a much more aware age, my mother and step-father (the man my mom cheated on my father with) on the verge of divorce..(he cheated on her...karma)...they worked it out..
in any case all that history to say, i commend you for 1..taking the chance...2..trying to make it work..3..doing what needed to be done once you realized it wasn't going to work..and 4 not looking at it as a mistake...im glad my father/mother divorced, glad my mother/stepfather worked it out..too many people take the easy road these days with marriage/divorce...
glad you are still open to it and that you've obviously taken a great learning/awareness away from it...
(long response..sorry..thats what happens when you don't post for a while LOL..hope you have a great week!)
....well, JIllz had to give the perfect reply sooo I'll just say that its good that you can put everything in proper perspective and not regret it.
OOOH Girl listen lol .. I already knooooooooooow *looks at her estranged husband* I am trying but umm the door looks sexy right now .. *prays*
I don't think I will ever get married again but like they say, never say never. It's just that I thought I married my best friend, at least that's what we called each other. We were so much alike. I thought I was a good husband too. I worked, took care of our 2 year old daughter and always showed her the love a husband should show his wife. That wasn't enough for her. She wanted her ex-boyfriend more and cheated with him. It hurt bad and I don't wish that feeling on anyone.
8 years later that feeling still hunts me when I date someone.
Bottom line, I agree with you, I definitely won't be looking for a bff to marry, as funny as that DOES sound.
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