I Had To. Do It.

Last night was rough. I wasn't feeling well. But I was oh so horny. TINGLY. Warm and FUZZY. I tried to fight off the urge as much as I could. I even tried to put a pillow in between my legs as to control and mediate the pulses and sensations that were running amuck in that area. I squeezed my thighs together tighter thinking that with that one act, I would be able to curtail the persistent urge that radiated throughout my body and my inside.

It didn't work.

As sweat formed on my forehead in the unusually 70 degree December night heat, I opened my window and listened to the wind blow against the screen. I turned on my television and flipped to an Adult PPV. Picked the first one that looked interesting and bought it through the remote. An overwhelming since of guilt overcame me but I knew that I was at the point of no return.

My hand took a trip down south. My legs spread. And I submitted to the deed.

I have been fighting off the urge to masterbate for almost as long as I have been fighting the urge to have sex. But the intense feeling that I was experiencing would not let me go to bed without fulfilling my bodily urges. And need.

I do feel defeated and I do feel like I let myself down. I also must make sure that this sexual adventure that happened last night will not happen again anytime soon. I don't want to settle with pleasuring myself in order to get my rocks off. I don't want to fall into that all familiar pattern.

I slipped. But I am back on my feet again. We will see if I prevail tonight.