New Blog Redesign Is Complete!

Hi guys! My new blog redesign has been completed and is now up and functioning. As you may have read earlier, I am now using WordPress for Make Blog Not War and will no longer be using Blogger. To see the new website, please visit http://www.blognotwar.com

I will no longer be updating this particular page. I hope to see you on the other side!

Checking Myself (Because Someone Has To)

I am so stoked about my new blog design, but I will blog about that later. While on IM earlier speaking with the gentleman that is redesigning my fabulous blog, I was going through my posts to see what I wanted to transfer to the new site, and I came across this blog entitled 2008. Yeah. that I wrote on Monday, December 29, 2008. In the blog, I listed the things I was hoping to accomplish this year. To read the complete entry, you can click the link above, but here is a list of the goals for 2009 that I set forth on that day:

*Get my non-profit off the ground and invest in my own business endeavor
*Get in shape. Work out on a regular basis. I have fallen off the last few months
*Establish better eating habits. Less dining out and cut out the sodas (oh how I love 'em)
*Finalize the revisions and edits of my novel and get it published this year, by May 1st
*Less television. More ME time
*Work on my son's website and help him establish his acting career
*Be more frugal when it comes to spending but not lose the spontaneity
*Continue to cultivate my blog and launch my personal website and vlog.
*Finally go to NEW YORK CITY!

Now of course this is only March 4th but I have noticed that I am slipping in most of these areas. I haven't worked on my non-profit paperwork or spoke with my planned Board since January. I've stopped drinking soda completely (yay) but I still do not have the best eating habits and I still eat out way too much (which is why I have been making a valiant effort since beginning my new Challenge). My novel still isn't completely edited and I have pushed the publishing date back AGAIN. I have the television on constantly AND my spending hasn't been curtailed. As far as my goal for my blog, I haven't been blogging nearly as much as I could be, even though I have plans to do more after my blog is redesigned. And I haven't even taped my first video blog (or vlog) and that was something that I was really looking forward to doing. I've went online and shopped airfares for NYC but still haven't purchased my ticket OR settled on a date to go.

There's not one thing that I have been consistent with on that list, well, with the exception of not drinking soda which I have done. It's kind of depressing when I think about it because the words staring back at me are ones that I wrote, goals that I have developed for myself and I have faltered. Took my eye off of the ball one too many times and here it is, heading into the 2nd quarter of the year and I am still seeking goals and not achieving them.

I've got to get my act together. NOW.

I never wanted to be the type of person who talked a lot of game, but in the end, was unable to back it up. I've known people like that and it's not a good thing to witness, especially when you see one's potential and they are too lazy to do anything with it. Laziness is not an option for me, I have too many things that I want to get done and I have to count on ME to get them done.

I consider this entry a reality check, one that needed to be done now and not six months from now. I will play my position. I will complete the goals that I have given myself, and I will NOT be lazy. If I can't check myself, who will?

I am accountable for my actions. And the buck stops here and the work begins. Try hard or end hard.

FIN.

Day 1- Healthy Eating & Living Challenge

Many of you are aware that in January, I began a 30-day No Soda Challenge which I successfully completed and as of today's date, still haven't indulged in a full soda (although last week I had a sip of someones Coke). Now that I have lost a few pounds and feel the difference that living soda-free has made in my life, I have decided to also challenge myself with eating more healthy in order to get in shape and lose some more weight. My goal is to lose 15 to 20 lbs, which would make me picture perfect for a nice two-piece which I plan to wear during my trip to Miami with ForeverLex.

My goals are simple: NO FAST FOOD. No sodas. Work out at least three times a week. Cook a healthy meal at home at least five nights a week and stay away from take-out. I would like to stay under 1800 cals a day.

Here is the data on Day 1 of the Healthy Eating & Living Challenge:

Breakfast- a bowl of Rice Chex cereal with two percent milk (150 cals)

Lunch- nothing

Snack- two pieces of sharp cheddar cheese (180 cals)

Snack- 1 cup of orange juice (125 cals)

Dinner- Hungarian Skillet Stew with egg noodles (400 cals)

Snack- 1 cup of Silk chocolate milk (140 cals)

= 995 cals.

My Daddy, My Hero. My Life.

Early on during my beginning existence, my father and mother married. Mom got knocked up by my dad, whom she had been dating for two years, and they decided to get married when she was about two months along. That would be the best decision my mother ever made.

My father is and was a champion. Growing up, my parent's marriage was mostly in discord, but my dad was as good as gold. Being an only child, I was doted on and spoiled and played the Daddy's Little Girl role perfectly, but that is not why I consider my dad a good father. I consider my dad a wonderful dad because he stayed around while most dad's didn't. My mother was 19 and my dad was 21 when they had me, the two of them were relatively young and inexperienced in the ways of the world BUT he did what he was supposed to do, what some fathers don't do, and played his role.

I was often closer to my father than my mother for several reasons which would require another blog entry and another talking point. But let me just say that I don't think my mother really wanted to be a mother at so young of an age, and I am sure that is why she got her tubes tied early and never had any more kids. She wasn't the nurturing type of person, or touchy feely, where my dad was that type. He was affectionate. He attended all of my events at school, took me shopping for my first bra, and pretty much raised me while my mother always seemed to be searching for something other than what she had. I am not saying that my mother wasn't a good mom. I am just saying that when it came to parenting, she was out of her element most of the time and she will even admit that now.

There was a time in my Dad's life where he fell down and my parent's separated and that was when he got into cocaine heavily. In reality, both of my parents dabbled in recreational drug use but my dad got into it quite heavily and we almost lost everything we had. Once he quit the drug use, he began to drink and became an alcoholic and received two DUI's. My dad was not perfect, but when it came to ME, he made sure I was always taken care of and he continues to show me (and now HIS grandson and granddaughter) and he is always there when I need him. STILL!

The drinking caught up with my dad. When he was 35, he had his first heart attack and since then has been diagnosed with heart disease. He also has had several operations on his heart. My father also suffers with kidney problems and is in stage 3 of renal failure and will result in having dialysis weekly. I have already decided that once it gets to that point, I will be tested to see if I am a match so that I can donate my kidney to him. He also has liver problems and it seems his body is breaking down and according to his primary physician, is more like 75 years old instead of the 55 years old that he really is.

Our bond is eternal and I just when I think I cannot love him anymore than I already do, it continues to grow and grow. With his health deteriorating, each moment that I spend him is cherished more than the last. I love this man with all of my heart, and I am so blessed that he has been in my life, the way father's are supposed to be.

LOVE YA DADDY!

Growing Pains

I am now three months deep into my blog and I have noticed that I am outgrowing my space. I am not that crazy about my current blog layout so I have decided to hire a professional designer to create a more personalized internet environment for me and my thoughts. The site will now be self-hosted with my own hosting instead of Blogger, which will allow for more personalization and less cookie cutter action. I am also changing the site from being in Blogger to Wordpress, so this is going to be a big transition. Hopefully, you guys will stick with me during this "pardon my dust" era, which should be complete within the next week or so.

Guest Blogger- Naturally Alise Responds To My Personal Domestic Abuse Post

Under my previous post entitled: Not To Be Taken Lightly, I discussed my own personal experience with physical and verbal abuse. In the comments section, one of my Twitter friends and blog colleagues Naturally Alise, did not fully agree with my closing statement, time heals all wounds. In order to clarify her reasoning for not agreeing and also give her a forum in order to reply in full to my post, I asked her to write a featured Guest Blog on my site. The following is her blog entry written expressly for BlogNotWar:

I had to rebuild my self confidence and strength back, but I know what it feels like to be overpowered and bullied by the one that you love and who supposedly loves you. So I do feel for not only Rihanna, but for every victim of domestic or physical violence male or female.You can They say time heals all wounds. I would say that that is a correct assessment.

I must respectfully semi-disagree with my buddy Dannigyrl. Time does NOT heal all wounds. In fact, emotional wounds behave just like physical wounds. * You can ignore the wound and it will get infected and become much larger and more detrimental than the original injury. In fact in 1997, I was sexually assaulted. I will not go into the specific details (I'll save that for my memoirs one day, shit, I'm gonna be famous y'all), but I swept it under the rug and refused to deal with it until a few years ago. That pain ate me up and festered in my spirit for all those years. It affected my lifestyle and affected every relationship I was ever in negatively. time did not heal a single thing. Not a one.* You can deal with the wound. You can endure the sting of the alcohol and cleanse it. Do you once I started talking about what happened to me and dealing with my emotions constructively, through therapy and support of friends I was able to come out a better and infinitely stronger woman. I just had to get over the feelings of shame and stigma (the sting of the alcohol, if you will) and just hold my head up. I did that, time didn't do a single thing. Not a one.BUT*Just like a wound, it scars. It leaves something behind. That doesn't mean it necessarily has to be bad. I am a firm believer in turning tragedy or negativity into something fruitful in the end. That is the key, use that time on this planet to do something that will help or encourage the next woman to restart her life and maybe be encouraged not to waste precious time walking around with open wounds.***I also really feel the need to throw in this random PSA. STOP blaming victims. Le sigh...***Thanks,Naturally Alise

You can visit Naturally Alise by going to her blog Black Woman Lost and Found HERE and Cubicle Crusaders HERE

Not To Be Taken Lightly.

I refuse to jump on the Rihanna/Chris Brown story because I do not know all of the facts at hand. There have been few public statements given by the parties involved, and thus I cannot make a proper assessment without having knowledge of the event in its proper context. What I do know, is that physical violence against someone else is very serious, and domestic violence is not something to be taken lightly.

Instead of giving my two cents on a situation that I do not know much about, I have decided to discuss my own experience with domestic violence.

As many of you know, I had my son at the age of 18 and in doing so, I became involved with a man four and a half years my senior. If I knew then what I know now, I would've discovered that the reason why he became interested in a then-17 year old womanchild was the fact that a female of that age can be someone that he could dominate or control. It is not normal in modern times for a 22 year old man to be infatuated with a 17 year old girl, other than pure attraction. The mindset of a 17 year old young woman is not very appealing nor mature. My son's father became obsessed with me because I was moldable like clay and able to be made into the woman that he wanted in his vision. But of course, again, at the age of 17 and 18, I could not (or simply refused to) see the forest for the trees.

The signs of violence began while we were dating. He didn't want me to spend time with other friends, he wanted me to be with him 24/7. Everyday after school, I had to wait about 45 minutes until he got off at 3 so that he could pick me up and take me home. He didn't want me riding the bus or driving my car to school for fear I would drive others or communicate with others. Back then I saw that as love but of course I know that love had nothing to do with it.

One night after an intense fight about his temper, I started to pack my bags to leave. Now mind you, I graduated from high school when I was 17 and my mom and dad were going through a divorce so I was kind of left to do what I wanted, so most nights I would stay at his apartment and I just kind of moved in slowly. Anyway, I told him I was going to go back home and sort things out and he pulled a gun out and put it to his head and said he was going to kill himself if I left. Of course I didn't want to be the cause of his death, so I stayed. Now I know that he was way to vain to off himself, but then I wasn't the wiser.

Then he got me into the whole, I want to you to have my baby thing because he had a two year old son and wasn't allowed to see his son because of drama. I gave in to him because he cried on my shoulder every night and I really thought we were going to be together forever. So I stopped taking the pill and suffice to say, it was downhill from there.

The verbal abuse started. He would call me fat as I gained weight with the pregnancy. He always liked me to wear skimpy items of clothing and as my belly got bigger, I could no longer rock my cute tops and tennis skirts that were in at that time and he would make me feel bad and tell me that I would have to shop at Lane Bryant if I got any bigger. After my son was born, I lost all the weight within two months but he still wasn't satisfied.

One night, I went out with the girls, the first night out since I had had my son, and he acted a fool. He followed us to the club in Tampa and demanded I came home and when I refused, he pulled me in the car, practically dragging me. I didn't get hit that night but the blows started shortly after that.

First it was a push here or a shake there and those became slaps, and then punches and kicks. I remember one night very clearly: New Edition was on a reunion tour with Keith Sweat and my friend won tickets on the radio station to see the concert at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg. I told him about the concert weeks before, but that night he acted like he didn't know I was going out. He told me he wasn't watching our son and I told him I already made arrangements with his mother to watch him and he snapped. He told me I wasn't going to go anywhere and that he rented movies for us to watch that night. I told him to get out of the bathroom while I was getting ready because there was no way I was missing the concert. I got in the bathtub and he took my curling iron that I had just plugged up and tossed it into the tub. The only thing that saved me from getting electrocuted was the plug was yanked out the wall when he threw it in the tub so there wasn't enough electricity to shock me.

I didn't go to the concert that night.

No one in my family knew of the violence I was going through. It was a scary situation because there were many nights that I thought I was not going to make it. He was always careful to hit me in places that were not visible to the public. Usually my stomach or back. But I can tell you that the verbal abuse was worse than the physical. The bruises always healed but the memory of his words saying the most hurtful things to me would replay over and over.

I didn't feel worthy.

And then a divine intervention occurred. He got arrested for having a unregistered weapon and was in jail for a few days. I took those few days and the money I had saved and my son and I moved into another apartment. He didn't have access or keys. He flattened my tires a few times but there was nothing he really could do to harm me anymore. I wasn't in his control. In order to see his son, we always met at his mom's house or in a public place. I had so much dirt on him that I threatened to call the police if he tried to take my son or harm me in any way.

That was ten years ago.

Now, we are good. Or as good as we can be with our history. I moved away to my hometown and he became involved with another woman and it became HER problem, not mine. I got married and divorced. And he is still struggling with women and relationships. We don't discuss it. It is all about our son during phone calls or visits to Florida. But every once and a while, he apologizes for what he did to me. And our son, because our son did bear witness to many of these events. And he remembers some of them even though he was only two and three years old at the time.

I had to rebuild my self confidence and strength back, but I know what it feels like to be overpowered and bullied by the one that you love and who supposedly loves you. So I do feel for not only Rihanna, but for every victim of domestic or physical violence male or female.

They say time heals all wounds. I would say that that is a correct assessment.

30 Day No Soda Challenge-Mission Accomplished

I have officially completed my 30 Day No Soda Challenge. I lost a total of 16 pounds and 2 and a half inches off of my waist. My beverage intake consisted of water, sweet tea, cranberry and apple juice. I am sure the weight loss is contributed to not drinking soda, but I also changed my eating habits by cooking more healthy foods, not eating after 8pm, and curving eating in between meals.

I have decided to continue my No Soda challenge to see how far I can really go without drinking soda. I HAVE NOT had a soda since January 5, 2009 even though I have surpassed the 30 day tie frame. I honestly don't miss it and I would rather devote my caloric intake to food than to soak it up with  200 calorie per pop soda.

Mission accomplished, at least for now. I planned on adding yoga or Pilates and more exercises to my lifestyle challenge and I have failed to do the latter. I am not giving up on that, though. Weight loss was not a major factor for me changing my eating habits but I do have a goal of losing 30 pounds so I can be leaner and well within the guidelines for weight set forth for my height and age. The YMCA near my home has a yoga class beginning at the end of the month, and by golly, I will be in that class.

I Have Faltered.....

I could tell towards the end of January that I was getting bored with blogging. Not bored in the sense of not wanting to blog, but bored in the sense that it was getting hard for me to keep up the daily pace of blogging at least once a day AND keep up with my duties as mother and property manager and the like.

There are a lot of bloggers that blog everyday once or twice or maybe even more than that. I envy them because I wish I was creative enough to think of topics to fill up these pages. But unfortunately, that is not the case. Multitasking, although I am somewhat good at it, can sometimes lead me astray.

I need to get out of my head. I have received several emails from my followers and other readers wanting to know if I was okay and if I had given up on my blog. What I now understand is that this blog is bigger than me. The content, the writing, the subjects are all an outlet for ME but there are those of YOU that care about it and come to my site because what I write touches something in YOU. As I have stated before, I have started so many blogs in the past just to stop writing after a few days or weeks and I promised myself that that would not happen again.

So I apologize in advance and hope you understand. Sometimes life happens. But in reality, I need this blog in my life. I've faltered, as we all often do, but I hope I haven't lost you as a follower and that you continue to read my blog.

Thanks!

Oh Freaking Boy! (An Open Letter)

We hadn't talked in a minute. The connection we had back in the thick of things had wavered. And yet today, when I talked to you, despite our hiatus, despite the busy schedules that we both maintain and trips recently taken, we fell back into the groove. Yes, it was awkward at first because it had been awhile. But when you are used to talking to someone as much as we talked, the communication comes naturally.

I missed your friendship. You didn't go anywhere. Neither did I. And yet, there was always something indeed missing. At least on my end.

You still intrigue me. You are still that dope being that has effortless cool on the phone and even more so in person. I am drawn to you because you are a unique individual with confidence that puts other men to shame. You are indeed an alpha male. I've always been attracted to that.

Yes there is someone else in my life. We discussed it. Me and ole boy aren't serious, although we are this close to becoming as physical as two can be. You don't want a relationship (with me). I mean, how could we even have one with YOU there and ME here? We have both moved on although we never stopped  moving on. But I still have feelings for you. I won't front. My heart was open to you at one point and I was not in the business of being hurt. So I did close the door. But above all else, your friendship is most important to me.

You made me smile today because you said that we were not platonic. All this talk of friendship that you have expressed during these six months and you let me know that you see me as other than JUST a friend. And that does mean something. No matter what the future holds.

I always want to be in your life no matter what. And I always want us to share that connection. I will always be your flower girl. Ride or die.

MUAH

Update- 30 Day No Soda Challenge & Other Items

Can you believe it has been almost a month since I began my 30 Day No Soda Challenge? I began the challenge not only as a New Year's Resolution, but as a goal to live my life healthier in '09. I found myself drinking at least a six pack or so more of soda each day, and with diabetes being a problem in my family for so many years, I knew I had to stop the addiction. So on Monday, January 5, 2009, I started my 30 Day No Soda Challenge.

There have been many times that I slipped and fell off the wagon. But what kept me on the straight and narrow (besides prayer) is knowing that I would be so defeated if I drank a soda because I would have to blog about it and let you all know that I lost the good fight. That is one blog I don't want to have to write, especially since a few of my Twitter folks are also riding with me on the Challenge.

I have lost 11 pounds since I began. I wasn't doing this Challenge to lose weight, but this is a great side effect and I needed to lose bout 15 pounds anyway. I feel like I have more energy each day and I don't feel as bloated. I still get headaches every now and then but they don't last as long as they used to, and my body is getting used to not having as much caffeine. I drink about 15 glasses of water daily along with a few servings of juice (either cranberry or apple) and I also drink sweet tea, which is my latest addiction.

Someone on Twitter recognized that sweet tea can be just as bad as soda and pointed that out to me, so I began weaning myself off of that this week. I plan to be completely sweet tea free by the middle of next month as well. I am trying not to start too many Challenges at one time in order to keep balance and control in my life. I don't want to be overloaded with too many goals.

This Challenge will last beyond 30 Days. I would like to stay soda free (with the exception of a can or two here or there once or twice a month) for the rest of the year. I also want to begin a rigorous exercise challenge of Cardio and Yoga in February. My homie Forever Lex and I along with the USUAL SUSPECTS are planning a TweetUp in Miami in May and I so want to look flawless in a  two-piece. Dade County will never be the same. 

This Challenge this is slowly morphing into a lifestyle change and a way of life for me. Thanks to everyone who has continued to show me support through this No Soda Thing. I am ever so grateful. More than you know. :P

The Hilton.

We both knew why you called me. And we both knew that when I arrived at Room 742 that it was going to be about business. Business that only you and I would be able to handle. As of last year, it was unfinished. I replayed the interrupted scenario over and over in my head many times and tonight, I would finally be able to see it play out in its entirety.

You answered the door with that smile that you always had. Crooked. Showing just a few of your exceptionally beautifully white teeth made for a Colgate commercial. You were dressed comfortably in a white T-shirt and basketball shorts. Lounging in the room watching the play-offs. Waiting for my arrival since you touched down in the Lou five hours previously. My heart pounding, I gave you a playful hug and walked into your room and allowed the door to close behind me. There were double beds. I smiled to myself. Okay. This is going to be interesting.

I sat down on the bed and crossed my legs with my coat on. You told me to stand up because you wanted to get a good view of me. I felt your eyes on me seeming to pierce through the epidermis of my skin. It was like you could read my every thought and movement before I moved or thought. You told me to take off my coat and I did as I was told. I was wearing a black blouse belted at the waist and a pair of black leggings and heels. You licked your lips and I knew what you were thinking.

You gave me them fuck me eyes. I reciprocated.

Hands around my waist, you pulled me close. Stuck your tongue down my throat hard and fast and I was frustrated because I was used to being in control and you were taking that away from me. My hair was in a ponytail and you pulled my head back so your tongue could penetrate me deeper. Then you stopped suddenly and I opened my eyes to see you smiling at me.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Last year, you and I were at this same place. Different room. But during that time, we were interrupted by feelings that seemed to overwhelm us. And vibrating phones and secret phone calls brought about our hiatus. Jealously. Envy. But tonight, it was going down. We didn't care about the past.

You slowly unbuttoned my blouse and we both watched as it fell to the ground. My strapless bra was next to be removed. You marvelled at the 38 D's that were in front of you and cupped. Kissed my nipples and watched as they hardened in slow motion. You slid off my pants and you smiled because you saw that I still didn't wear any panties. Your hands were on my ass and then my back and then my neck as you kissed  me again.

I took off your t-shirt. Your chest still sported muscles. No hair. Shit was sexy. I played around with the elastic on your b-ball shorts, putting the tip of my nail around the drawstring and pulling on it teasingly. You took my hand and put it on your hardened pole.

It was time to begin.

We started with me on my back, my legs over your shoulders. I could feel all of you when it was like this. You showed no mercy and I didn't want any either. We had a lot of time to make up for and with each thrust inside of me, you were punishing me for the time we were apart. I didn't want to moan, didn't want you to know you had me feeling all good but I couldn't help myself. You withdrew and watched as my mouth begged for you to continue. Your chest was sweaty. You looked high but it was my chocha was now your drug. 

We hit a rush.

You turned me on my back and infiltrated me from behind, moving slow and deep as I purred and cooed at your prowess in the bedroom. It was magnetic heat that was being transferred in between the both of us and we were both spellbound at the action taking place. Unable to get the proper leverage you needed, you had me get on my knees and you entered me hard once again, moving in as I arched my back and backed up into your rhythm. You began to move faster and I didn't want it to end but I could tell you were getting ready to explode because I was too.

I got on my knees and pleasured you orally. This, above all else, was what kept you coming back for more after all of this time.

You dreamt about it. You plotted and planned. And now it was happening in this room.

I started off slowly and then with each movement, I took more of you inside of me.

Before you could say my name, I stopped. Looked up at you like I used to do with my doe eyes and allowed you to spill your liquid all on my breasts.

Round two would commence shortly. After a small breather.

I Am Not My Hair

This particular blog entry is difficult for me to write because I have so many hang-ups and whatnot when it comes to my hair. Since I could remember, I have had issues with my hair and just recently, I decided to just let it go and do what I feel is best for my overall well being when it comes to my strands. Here is my story:

As a child, I was told I had good hair. Whatever that means. It was a nice length, fine, and wavy. My mother usually put my hair in braids or ponytails and I wasn't allowed to wear my hair down until I was like 13. Yes, I am serious. At that age, I began going to get my hair done at the salon and I would get it pressed. My mother would not allow me to get a perm for fear it would mess up my "good" hair. When I was 15, my mother finally relented and I got a relaxer and there began my love/hate relationships with chemical straighteners.

When I was 16, with the popularity of Toni Braxton and Halle Berry and Anita Baker tapered short cuts and styles, I chopped all of my hair off to conform. At first, I loved it but then I realized that keeping the style meant I had to get my hair done every week and I had to get it cut quite often. Bored with the style after 6 months or so, I let my beautician put in a sew in weave. I loved the instant length it afforded and I began wearing a weave pretty much all of the time.

Now anyone who remembers the early nineties remember that weaves were somewhat controversial. Now weaves are considered very mainstream and as a fashion accessory but back then, it was a travesty if people knew you had a weave. I moved around a lot and when I started my Junior and Senior year at high school, everyone saw me with the long hair and thought it was mine. I began living the lie of having long hair when I really didn't and this created tension because I didn't feel comfortable wear my own hair.

Wearing a weave became a crutch that I would have pretty much throughout my adult life. I wouldn't allow my own hair to breathe because I felt I needed to keep up the persona of having long hair. My beautician was so good at putting in the weave that no one was the wiser believe it or not and there were few people that knew I wasn't wearing my own hair.

This all came to a head when I got into a fight at school. The first thing the girl did was pull on my hair as girls often do when fighting and the weave track came out of the top of my head. She was carrying it in her hand and the crowd watching it was shocked to see that it was a weave. It was hard for me to show my face the next day at school but my mom and dad made me go to school. (I lost the fight by the way).

After that tragic incident at school, I started wearing my own hair. And that lasted for awhile. By then it had grown to a nice length but was very damaged after relaxing it myself when I took out the weave. So I began to experiment with pieces. Falls and ponytails and things like that to cover up the unhealthiness of the hair. I began college with braids and wore them during the mid to late 90's.

During the pregnancy of my son, my hair grew very long and strong but I had another brush with scissors and cut it all off again into a short bob that was the rage then. Of course I got bored with the length and I began wearing full headed weaves again.

It was a vicious cycle that I perpetrated.

Fast forward to now and I am still wearing weaves. But I don't wear them all the time. I give my hair a resting period and wear my own hair from time-to-time. I have had a relaxer constantly for too many years and decided in October, after having a heat-to-heart with my stylist to go natural.

There is nothing wrong with straight hair. Or chemically relaxing your hair. Or wearing weaves. But I think that the combination of all of the those things is displaying to others that I can only be beautiful with these "crutches" and that is not true. For starters, my beauty doesn't come from my outside but from my inside. Number two, the hair in a relaxed state and bought in a store is not truly mine. I am not being myself if I cannot wear my hair in its natural state.

I love looking at sisters who are rocking twists or locks, or an Afro, or curls or whatever hair style they chose that is natural. It's a statement. It's funky. And it's being true to oneself. Not that wearing a weave or having relaxers mean you can't be true, but using it for a crutch, which was my experience, it can seem like you are being your hair. And I am not my hair. India.Arie had it right when she sang that song:

I have been researching ways to transition my hair to natural. Right now I am wearing a sew in weave in order to transition in. I am also going to try rocking braids and some curly do's. I know there is going to come a time where I am going to have to cut the relaxed ends off and that will be the day I am borne again as a woman. A natural one, napps, waves, curls, and all.

I will still straighten my hair. My current stylist specializes in natural hair and said that in its natural state, my wavy and fine hair would be easy to train and straighten with a flat iron without chemicals. Right now, being totally chemically free is my goal and I cannot wait to achieve it. It will give me so much flexibility to wear it curly, wavy, or straight and I will have so many more options when it comes to my hair.

If you have any suggestions on how I can transition my hair, please reply to this post. I would be most grateful and thankful. Taking this new journey is going to be long and I am sure I will have some stumbling blocks along the way. But this is a new phase, a new direction in which I would like to follow. I need to do this for myself.

Um, I'm Milking.

Okay. A strange phenomenon just occurred within my body. I was sitting here responding to work emails when I felt something wet and warm on my bra. I looked down at the blouse I am wearing and viola! There was a wet stain near my left nipple. WTF?

I rushed to the bathroom and unbuttoned my blouse and noticed a substance coming out of my nipple. MILK.

Now I've watched enough porn to know what milking is. The thing is, this never happened after the birth of my son and daughter who are 14 and 4.

I am not even pregnant. Just had my monthly visitor. Why is milk coming out of my left titay? OMG. I need to look this up on Web MD.

Confidence Is Dope. Bragging? Not So Much

I simply adore my confident brothers and sisters out there, let me put that on front street. Media will perpetuate that within the Black urban community, those that are doing well for themselves are rappers or basketball players, or dope boys, or less than stellar individuals who hustle their way through life on the not so up-and-up. But there are also those of us who are out there on the daily living professional lives in our fields grinding it out and making a good living while doing so. We are living the good life because we work hard and devote so much of our days to our prospective occupations and endeavors and for that, we indulge.

But this blog post is not in reference to those individuals. The individuals whom I'd like to discuss are those out there with "new money" and they have to floss what they have in order to get attention. Let me break down what I mean so you can understand the essence.

I have a good friend. He's a guy. This past weekend before I left, we hung out. We ate at a fine dining restaurant here in the Lou called Brio and afterwards we went to see one of his boys perform at a club in the Loop. 

He kept saying during the meal that this place was so this and so that. And yes it was. It went without saying. Brio was nothing new to me, I had been there several times. But the way he talked, it was like wanted me to be impressed that he chose such a nice dining establishment. NOPE! LOL.

During the whole entire meal, he went on and on about his new E Class Benz that he purchased a few weeks ago. Now, I for one, congratulated him on his purchase when he sent me a picture mail on my phone of him standing next to it. But during dinner he talked about his new Benz, and his new loft downtown, and the fact that he was going to Aruba in February and this and that. I refer to this as new money because when people that have had money for awhile don't have to throw it out there that they have money. Those who haven't had it that long seem to be more braggadocious about it. He and I used to have deep conversations about hella stuff and the dinner seemed to be filled with his latest and greatest purchases.

No I am not jealous. Again, I applaud homeboy for being able to afford the things that he wants. I love that he has flow like that. But I am no bump on a log myself. I don't have a Benz, but I do very well thank you. Plus, would rather be measured by my character, not by the money that is in my bank account.

I told him that.

His reply to me is that he is a good catch because all the ladies see him on a come-up and now he has to beware of gold diggers. And I am almost certain that that is a true statement. But speaking about your have's most certainly will attract the gold digger type of chick, don't you think? I told him to marinate on that and he simply laughed.

The money has gone to his head.

I also sensed that his bragging and continuous talk of money really displayed the fact that he was insecure. He would rather discuss his latest vacation and 5 Star hotel visit than talk about himself, the man, as if his worthiness depended on his platinum Amex. SMH. This was a person that I so loved hanging out with and kicking it with and now there is mostly silence between us because it's all about him.

What he displayed that evening wasn't confidence at all. A confident person can have all of the swag (yes I said we need to bury the word swag but let me use it just this once) and have not a penny to his name because his worth is not measured by his money, but he himself. That is the type of brother I am attracted to, not some chocolate Ritchie Rich who is really a scared little boy on the inside.

We were such good friends. I don't know what is going to happen to us now because I can't put up with the whole bling bling conversations. I'd rather just hang onto my memories.

A Day I Will Never Forget

Despite the fact that there were a few flubs in that swearing 

in ceremony, I must say it was a perfect day! 

No one could steal my (or anyone else's) joy that Obama was

now our 44th President of the United States.

Despite detractors who said that the swearing is was not official due 

to a few errors, the Consitution states that the President Elect

becomes President at exactly 12 noon on January 20th. 

And just to quiet the hush, Obama was sworn in again yesterday

evening.

HISTORY!

Martin Luther King, Jr.: A Dream Realized

If Martin Luther King, Jr. would have been alive today, he would've turned eighty years old last Thursday. The man who gave perhaps one of the most famous speeches in history, was just 33 years old, the same age as I am currently, when he delivered the I Have A Dream speech in August 1963.

Today is not only a day to celebrate his legacy and life, but also remember his dream and how is has somewhat come to a realization today as we embark on the Inuguration of the 44th President of these United States, the first African American President, Barack H. Obama. 

Oh, how proud he is of us today. The Dream still lives on....

Tagged & Awarded

I've been slipping lately on my blog. I was actually Tagged by my blog and Twitter pal Fungkeblakchik last Saturday and I am just getting around to posting and responding (charge it to my head and not my heart sis). While sitting here waiting on my plane to leave, I thought this would be as good of a time as any to return the favor to Fungkeblakchick and pass the award along to others who are well deserving. Time for me to pay it forward:

Five yummy things:

1. My smothered potatoes 

2. Giodorno's Pizza 

3. Grandma's liver and onions 

4. Filet mignon from Fleming's steakhouse 

5. Cobb or wedge salad with plenty o' bleu cheese dressing

Five songs I know by heart:

1. Paper Thin by MC Lyte

2. Don't Dream It's Over by Crowded House 

3. Dear Mama Tupac

4. Rocket Man Elton John

5. I Need Love LL Cool J

Five places I would like to escape to (in no particular order):

1. Tokyo

 2. Maui 

3. London 

4. NYC 

5. Barbados

Five things I would never wear:

1. my hair blonde 

2. velvet 

3. gellies (shoes....why on earth did they make a comeback?) 

4. jogging pants 

5. CROCS

Five favorite TV shows (in no particular order):

1. Intervention 

2. American Idol 

3. Big Love 

4. Judge Mathis 

5. Anything on HGTV

Five things I enjoy doing (in no particular order):

1. Sleeping 

2. Shopping 

3. Writing 

4. Being a mommy to Codi and Laylah 

5. Thinking dirty thoughts

Five Favorite toys (in no particular order):

1. My Blackberry Curve 

2. My Chi iron 

3. My new digital camera (can't wait to start vlogging) 

4. Trixie, my laptop 

5. My truck

Five people who I am tagging to fill this out and who I’ll also pass on the “Helping Hands Award” and those who I would want to participate in ‘paying it foward’:

1.NightFall914- I don't quite remember how I fell into the world of Blue Bloggington (Myspace perhaps) but this brother's blog has become my latest addiction. Raw, funny, and nerdy, NightFall never ceases to amaze me or entertain me.

2.Miss Jia- Ooh, chile, if you want no nonsense then Miss Jia is the blog to read. Full on uncanny honesty, as well as a You Tube sensation, while visiting Miss Jia, you will never be bored.

3. Forever Lex- This is my homie from Twitter who has become like a e-sister to me. Lex's blog is bold, fearless, and raw as she exposes her innermost feelings with every post. Visit her and you will see what I mean.

4. Rasha- Gotta love Raheim Shabazz. He stays on the grind and holds his passion of writing to the highest regards. Visit his site and show him some love.

5. Jillian- This girl is a beautiful blogger who started a new blog this year entitled New Year, New Attitude 2009. Follow her as she speaks of the changes she is making in her life on a journey of self improvement. And tell her I sentcha. :)

The Rules:

1. Select 10 bloggers: 5 you consider your blogging Helping Hand then “Pay it Forward” by extending your “Helping Hand” to 5 additional bloggers in support and encouragement for their efforts. (I obviously didnt’ follow these directions, but decided to use the same 5)

2. In passing on the Emblem, each recipient must provide the name of blog or blog author with a link for others to visit.Each recipient must show the Emblem and put the name and link to the blog that has given it to her or him.

3. Link the Emblem to this post: Helping Hand: Much Obliged and Paying it Forward so that others will know it origin and impetus.

4. If you have not already done so, show your recipients some love by adding them to your blog roll, Technorati Favorite list, or in any other way to further let them know that their blog voice is important to you and being heard.

5. Add your name to The Helping Hand meme and don’t forget to leave a comment as a permanent record of all Helping Hand recipients.

6. Display the rules.